I am blessed with a loving and caring husband, Lee, and we have two beautiful daughters, Rhoni-lee and Jaeya. Some women go through life with their family planning all worked out, like it is a given. Firstly to fall pregnant, but secondly to have a live healthy baby. We approach having a family as “consumers,” with an attitude of “this is what I want, and this is when I want it!”
I was one of those “well God, I’d like to start a family when I turn 30. I’ll have two children, thanks. Oh gender? Hmm… you choose – thanks amen!” Many friends of mine, Christian and non-Christian alike, have experienced frustration and heartache when confronted with difficulty in falling pregnant or have experienced the unthinkable tragedy of a stillborn baby. Personally, I had no problem with conception, maybe it was my genetics? At last count, between my seven siblings and I, we have 33 children! Praise God, Lee and I had no problems with starting a family and I am convinced that as tough as life may get there is no greater joy than knowing we have two little girls to share this life with.
Sadly, for many years the joy of being a mum had been stolen from me. I was incapable of enjoying my children as I worked through debilitating grief. The reason for my grief was the loss of three beautiful babies; my little ones that I had to hold for but a short while before Jesus called them home. Waiting for me in Heaven are my twin girls, Jessica (stillborn) and Jasmine (passed away after 12 hours) and my son, Connor (stillborn).
Even as I write their names I feel an ache in my heart and tears begin to well in my eyes, it is an emptiness that will never leave until our reunion in Heaven. As Christians, Lee and I believe the promises of God, we believe in Heaven not as some religious mumbo jumbo but as a reality of what lies ahead.
I will see my children again and until that day I know they are safe in the arms of Jesus. We all experience pain and suffering that can seem unreasonable but I am convinced our suffering and testing is not without reason.
Although I have many unanswered questions, I know that God is trustworthy and He is good, therefore in spite of my earthly pain and sorrow I will stand firm on the promise made by the apostle Paul;
“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory”
2 Corinthians 4:17, NKJV
What a glorious day it will be when our earthly pain will cease and God will wipe every tear away.